the twelve months living inside of me

Lonely is January
He's never quite there until he leaves
He's hanging over your head and begging you not to let him fall
He waits for you to move,
ties ropes to your fingertips and slides down your walls

Longing is February
She's dipping herself into gasoline and running toward open fire,
waiting for her eyes to light up
She wraps chains around your ankles and tells you about love
She waits for you to run at her
You never do

Angry is March
He leaves you covered in bruises but he's just trying to love you
He doesn't know much about self love,
and he takes that out on you
He drags you around
and doesn't stop until you are nothing but skin and bones

Shy is April
She smiles from across the room but never meets your eyes
She is soft and timid,
and she will hang around you like a ghost

Seduction is May
She'll dance around you in a little black dress
with her rosy thighs and a waist made of thorns
She drops her leaves into your hair and convinces you that a mess is beautiful

Lust is June
She kisses you as if shes trying to breathe the air right out of your lungs
She is summer sweat and high tops
She is pressing against your skin
She teaches you about how to make a fire and how to climb trees

Heartache is July
He tells you he loves you when he needs to hear it back
He wants you to save him but he's the one holding your head under water
He's wondering why you stopped breathing
He'll stick to you for months and you can't get him off your skin

Uncertainty is August
She shifts back and forth in your life like rain
She is open fires and canyon fires and fires on the stove
She's waiting to see you burn yourself trying to hold her down
She only takes and never gives anything back

Vanity is September
He stands over your head and makes you beg for him
You believe you are nothing in his absence,
and so you drown yourself in him
until you forget what its like to breathe in open air

Greedy is October
He is bones that never stop breaking
He dips his fingers in your heart and he always wants more
You carry him around inside of you,
and he grabs onto anything that shows him love

Regret is November
She's got her head in her hands and she never stops screaming
Everything she sees is in black and white,
and she teaches you this way
She teaches you that nothing ever goes forgotten

Closure is December
She is soft and warm and holds you when you need it
She tells you she is going to leave eventually
You understand,
because you've loved her and lost her too many times before to let it break you again