more than a number

I am more than a number

-

but a size zero makes me feel better than a size four

so i sit here in jeans

that leave red marks on my hips

and make it hard to breathe.

but see its a few inches and..

-

I am more than just a number

-

but i know every test score i ever got,

and i still remember fourth grade

and question three

and crying because suddenly my mistakes had weight

and i couldn't fix things by saying sorry and..

-

I am more than a number

-

but I've always been the second choice

never first picked at recess

always the not-quite

not the best friend to anyone,

just a girl with kind eyes and jeans that are a little bit too tight and..

-

I am more than a number

-

to you i am eighteen, eleven and two

and lets be clear, its the two that haunts me

because sex doesn't matter

and i wish i was more to you than just another..

-

I am more than a number

-

except i still remember how i came in fourth place

the "oh, so close" place

the place thats good, but not good enough for a ribbon

and i still check for how many comments i get on my blog every five minutes

one, two, four, seven...

-

But I am more than a number

-

you'll probably remember me as the girl who sat in the third row

or you'll remember me being number four in the race. 

but i'd rather be remembered as the one who changed things

maybe after one, two, four, seven drinks i won't remember you.

-

baby I'm more than a number