life & death

I first saw death at the age of four

He whisped past me,

But I was too young to understand.

I couldn't see his hands wrapped tightly around my dads throat.

I watched death for months

The way he turned my father into someone else 

But one day he disappeared

Just like that he was gone, and we were safe.

Death later visited me again at seven,

as I watched my dog pass into eternities slumber.

After so many years with her by my side, the loss was shattering.

How could death take her away from me?

When I close my eyes I still feel her soft fur between my fingertips.

Later on, at fourteen, death hit me like a brick.

The cells in his body started to multiply and wouldn't stop.

They told us there was only today or tomorrow,

Please, please don't take him away from me.

We never speak about how his last breaths sounded like train wrecks 

or how his passing meant months of grey.

Just about his smile and laughter and how he could cure any bad day.

Death came unnanounced again at fifteen.

Hearing the news late that August night,

I swear I could hear the shattering hearts for miles.

I could picture his glasses and hear his soft sweet voice, 

I remembered how he looked out for me.

Death told me that time heals and time takes, though

he failed to mention this empty void in the middle of my chest that doesn't go away.

Death visited again, only last week.

For a second I forgot how to breathe

Like my lungs didnt have anything left 

Last week death hit,

and he hit hard

like the clashing of cymbals and blaring of horns. 

 I think he woke us all up a little bit.

I know that death will take me into his grasp one day.

Some days I pray that day will be tomorrow

and other days I dream of living forever.

Some days I have hundreds of reasons to stay

but others I can't seem to think of one.

But i'll smile and nod and laugh

like breathing comes easy

beacause life & death are my friends

and their winds can't tear me apart