heart of mine

we still exist
in the forgotten promises
in the unfulfilled plans
we continue to live
in the first break of dawn
in the last rays of sun
though we perished
we are still alive
in the sleepless nights
and summer sky
in the unspoken words
and the untold dreams
though we didn't survive
the memories still live
in this heart of mine

reasons to write

Right now I'm writing because this past week has been different.
Because I didn't need a bottle of pills on the edge of my nightstand to feel okay.

I'm writing because I haven't really written anything in a while,
I don't know if thats your fault, or simply just because I'm happy.

I'm writing because the snow has stopped falling,
and this air is a little bit easier on my lungs.

And because the mountains are the only things standing still.
Everything else, especially the clouds, are moving much faster than I would like.

I'm writing because I don't have much to say.
all I know right now is that life is kind of strange, kind of passing by.

And these colors are more real than they've ever been before

But right now I'm writing because this past week has been different
because I've finally found something.

Because you've given me a reason to stick around here a while longer.
you made the snow stop falling
you put a cap on the bottle, and closed up the eager boxes,
and given me eyes

I'm writing because at least the mountains are standing still in all this chaos

I REMEMBER

I remember the wooden swing set out back,

and watching it rust and rot over many years untouched.

That swing set brought summertime to life when I was younger.

My dad tore it down a couple years ago.

I remember the first pet I ever had. 

I fell in love with Flubber the fish and he died only 3 days later.

I remember believing in Santa Claus and God,

and I remember the day I learned that "Claus" wasn't spelled "Clause".

I remember the life changing brown eyes of my best friend,

I remember our last conversation.

I was sitting in my bedroom eating frosted flakes when they told me what happened.

I remember when he gave me a pink purse and sour patch watermelons for my birthday in first grade.

I remember the red bridge at the park,

Moose-bitch, Benjamin, Janet,

Laying beneath the starry sky.

I also remember you walking home alone.

And I'll never forget that first summer.

But I wish I could forget this last January...

I wish I could forget the way you lost control.

I don't want to remember the summer that I lost 37lbs,

or the girl that helped me get there.

I don't want to remember the boy that stole away my self confidence,

or the days spent alone.

I remember the kind hearted boy that sat next to me all year in seminary,
the way he always looked out for me.
I remember singing at his funeral.

I remember the wooden swing set out back,

and watching it rust and rot over many years untouched.

That swing set brought summertime to life when I was younger.

My dad tore it down a couple years ago.

Moment- Vincent Guilliano