an apology

I'm sorry that my constant self deprecation is too much for you,

That my pain is exhausting.

I'm just                                                                                                            I'm just

            trying                                                                                           trying

                      to be                                                                            to be

                             good                                                               good

                                     enough                                          enough

I'm trying.

But for some reason, lately the only things I seem to be good at are:

Pushing people away, and pissing off everyone else.

I'm doing my best here.

And so I'm sorry that I wasn't enough for you, that I'm not enough for anyone.

And sorry I haven't been acting like myself lately.

I'm sorry that I cheated on my chemistry final, and I'm sorry to that cute boy who had to watch me fall (not graciously) flat on my face today.

I'm sorry I can't seem to do anything right these days.

I search and search for the right words to say, though they never seem to surface.

But I'm still trying.

I'm bad at apology notes and keeping friends and for that I am sorry.

Sorry for having the audacity to think I was important to you.

To anyone.

I'm sorry if I annoy  you, it's just that you're the only person who's made me fall asleep smiling for the first time in months.

I'm sorry to everyone else who's in hell in these halls.

We'll be out soon.

I know I don't belong here,

I'm sorry I'm dragging you down with me.

High school can be a bitch.

Sorry I just said bitch.

I'll do my best to stay out of your way.